Hi, dad, it's been 100 days since we're not able to see you anymore. There are many things I still can't figure how to make it run. I've been trying to learn how you manage things, but apparently I found it's not as easy as it seems. Besides, I'm still struggling with my own mental state which make me drown in grief sometimes.
I always got a strange feeling whenever I'm being alone at home, dad. I don't even understand this feeling, it's like emptiness inside of me, or maybe kind of loneliness that confusing me.
I was being left alone at home many times before, you know, and during that time I know that it's okay. People would coming back and I could talk to them anyway. Also when the night come then my sisters had asleep, left me as the one who was wide awake, I know there's nothing to worry. You were just kilometers away to complete your work, and you would prepare to back home soon.
It's midnight when you touch down home, or even already early in the morning. Some of your project just can't be done after a whole day, so you have to stay until all of those finished. It took few days we were apart. But you'll be back, you'll be fine.
There was a time when you had to go for weeks, too. You convinced me to manage this household things and I do. But you never really left. You'll return back, we'll be fine. What I'm saying is pretty much as simple as that, right?
So, now, after months and you're not coming back -
I feel emptiness whenever I'm alone at home, how would you explain, dad?
What do I supposed to think -- can you convinced me that it's okay?
Because I can't see any possibility
for me to wait,
then you will come
and make me believe everything is alright.
I need you, dad,
I miss you in every second of my life,
and I would rather turn back the time seeing your smile,
than to stay with the loneliness I can't understand.
Oh, dad, I still have no idea how to deal with this unpredictable circumstances,
because I have never imagined facing this life alone without you.
Everyone keep saying I was a brave girl survived in tough times. The truth is, I just need you to be here.